It is a known fact that Mummy Says I'm Special rock a live set harder than Libyan police quash a block party.

The Mummy Says I'm Special inbox is currently overflowing with messages from other bands desperate for advice on to how to up their fucking game. These bands are right to be concerned. Mummy Says I'm Special is taking over.

For most of these bands it is too late. Mummy Says I'm Special has already made them obsolete. However, in order to alleviate strain on the Mummy Says I'm Special mailserver we have decided to share our top 10 tips on how to rock the fuck out and leave your audience pleading for more. Your band probably needs to pay attention to this. Read on for career saving advice.

10. You shall not leave gaps of longer than 2.4 seconds between songs. It is unacceptable.

9. You shall not thank the audience for coming out. They are lucky to be graced with your presence.

8. You shall not acknowledge personal acquaintances in the crowd. You are not there to socialise with your feeble minded friends. You are there to rock the fuck out.

7. You shall not thank the promoter. They are extremely grateful to you for deigning to play their event and for showing the other bands how it is done.

6. You shall not plug your myspace. People know how to use the internet. If they want to find you they will.

5. You shall not mention that you have cds and t-shirts for sale at the back. No-one gives a shit. Rock the fuck out and then maybe we can do business.

4. You shall not ask the audience if the sound levels are ok. It is not their job to worry about the sound levels. It is the fucking sound person's fucking job.

3. Sound checks are for pussies.

2. If a string breaks, walk off stage. The gig is over.

1. You do not need to tell the audience that you do not like the BNP. No-one likes the BNP. It is a given.

If you take heed of this sage advice you may manage to survive the upcoming Mummy Says I'm Special mediocre-band-pocalypse. Good luck. You will fucking need it.